Saturday, November 12, 2011

Single's Ward Weirdos.

All you young adults out there know what I'm talking about. When you start going to single's ward and everything is about making a love connection and finding Mr. Right...but you always end up finding Mr. Please-Talk-to-Me-I'm-Awkward. All of this is good and well at sacrament meeting, where you can find some sad excuse to get away ("I really have to get to Sunday School, see ya!" "Is that the Bishop calling me?!"). But the moment you step into a ward activity, it's a whole other ballpark. No excuses. You're totally and utterly alone, and available.

This seems to be the thing that happens to me most often. I leave the safety of Melly's side to grab a glass of fruit punch and I'm ambushed by some hopeless man biding for my attention. This has happened on 7 such occasions. The most memorable of these is Willard.

Willard has been in the ward for a few months, and has had his eye on a certain Scarlett for almost as long. I first noticed his interest at sacrament meetings -- occasional smiles and uncomfortable hi's. Then he decided to put himself on my radar by adding me on Facebook. CAUTION: before you add boys on Facebook, ask yourself these questions --

1. Is he attractive? 2. Is he creepin? 3. Is he a convicted felon?

As long as these are answered accordingly, it is safe to add him. Unfortunately for all those involved, I am too nice to reject someone outright. Though my answers were NO, YES, and YES, I still accepted that request.

The Facebook add was followed by many unanswered messages and more requests to go to activities together. Then came the fateful FHE activity. For this particular Family Home Evening, everyone was split up into groups at random, but Melly and I played the "rigging" game so that we would end up in the same car. Turns out someone else was also playing the rigging game -- Willard. As Melly and I waited for the rest of our group to join us, he walked over with a goofy smile of triumph on his face. Our group had to drive over to a park for the activity, and that's when good-ole Will turned up the charm. The night consisted of opening doors, compliments, and offering his hand for support when climbing up trees and jungle-gym structures. What started as a 2 on the MPS quickly became a 1.

I thoroughly regret my decision to be nice. Niceness equals hope in the eyes of the hopeless. If he is not and will never be your eternal companion, do not give him hope! When you get back from said FHE activity, ignore him at all costs. That ignoring might lead to meeting cute boy Chris at the punch table, and remind you that even though there are felons and creepers in single's ward, there are also eligible bachelors biding for your companionship.